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‘Twas The Night Before COVID

Dr. Fauci says Americans should ban their family members from holiday gatherings if they are unvaccinated. “If there’s an unvaccinated person, I would say; ‘I’m very sorry, but not this time, maybe another time when this is all over.’”  –MSNBC

‘Twas the night before Christmas and in every blue state
Mayors were angry, governors, irate!

That nuisance from the North Pole was headed their way
With no vaccine passport, and in an unlicensed sleigh.

“Why won’t he stay home?” Grumbling officials would gripe.
“He’ll ignore our mask mandates — him and his stupid pipe.”

Did his elves have their health inspections? The reindeer their shots?
“Plus, all the kids love him — the ungrateful little snots.”

Teachers from their unions and the FDA with its flaks
Didn’t like some fat white guy giving out sugary snacks.

“Didn’t they learn during COVID we’re the ones they should trust?
Mask mandates for toddlers and Zoom school?— Why that was all us!”

And so they devised a CDC-approved plan
To reach kids on Christmas and help them truly understand.

Which is why, before midnight, as young Bobby slept on his couch he
Was startled to hear: “It’s me — Santa Fauci!”

And so it was, beneath the sparkling Christmas tree,
All 5 feet of Fauci, covered in red and blue PPE.

Little Bobby was befuddled, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m responding to reports of unauthorized Christmas cheer!

“So I jumped in my carbon-free electric vehicle and came in a flash
Because I’ve got hopes of holiday joy I must dash!”

Then he took off with a bound in every direction.
“Has this Elf on a Shelf had his booster injection?”

The doll went in his sack, along with the toys
“They might encourage interaction between unvaccinated girls and boys.”

The egg nog was dumped as a potential health danger
And he looked in askance at the scene of the manger.

“Don’t they know COVID can spread from human OR mammal?
Somebody get that baby away from the camel!”

The room was now empty, no sign of joy, cheer or fun.
And with that, said Santa Fauci, “My work here is done!”

He leapt in his Tesla and as he rode out of sight,
Fauci cried. ‘Everybody back in bed! It’s the middle of the night!”

And so to every American in states red or blue, the CDC has a message:
“No, no, no! No ‘Merry Christmas!’ for you.”

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