DV Journal

For those who serve in the military, that is the ultimate bonding time: Camaraderie beyond imagining and sharing beyond compare. Laughing, fearing, hurting, hoping, and, sometimes, dying together. A time when the future is just a day ahead, a command away and if in combat, a time when death can arrive in an instant.

When men and women survive in the military, their greatest struggle lies ahead: Reentering civilian life.

Coming home, demobilized, set adrift in a sea of indifference, the veteran is separated from the ties that bind, in a world of alien values, mixed signals, and terrible, inescapable, nightmarish loneliness. This is compounded by the stresses of finding accommodation, work, and a purposeful life.

Our returning veterans are committing suicide at a greater rate than at any other time in our history. In recognition of Veterans Day, I talked with Frank Larkin, who works to connect Americans, especially those who have worn or are wearing the uniform, with veterans through a simple call and to help vets navigate their lives after service.

Larkin is a former Navy SEAL, a former U.S. Senate sergeant at arms, a former U.S. Secret Service agent, and he has worn the uniform of two police departments. But mostly, he is the grieving father of Ryan, a Navy SEAL who saw duty in Iraq and Afghanistan and who took his own life five years ago.

“I couldn’t save my own son,” he told me in an emotional moment during the interview I did with him on “White House Chronicle” on PBS.

Currently, Larkin is chief operating officer of the Troops First Foundation and chairman of the Warrior Call Initiative.

Larkin said “isolation” is the biggest pressure on former troops. They are cut off from the world they know – which he called “their tribe” — and plunged into one they don’t know, alone with their memories. These can amount to what Larkin calls “moral damage,” things that they have done and seen in the battle space which they can’t share with the civilian world. Things that have changed them.

Larkin said of his own son, “He came back changed. I could see it, but I couldn’t reach him, nor could my wife who is a medical professional.”

There are physical injuries as well. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is the best known, but there are others. For example, Larkin said, today’s weaponry may be damaging troops, especially in training. Blast waves and repeated recoil shaking may be causing Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), which is different from the brain injury suffered by football players. With TBI, there are minute tears in the brain which can’t be detected with normal brain scans.

These blast or shock waves from high-velocity weapons are a constant in training. Larkin noted that when a soldier fires a Carl Gustav shoulder-mounted rocket launcher, “It’s like getting your head blown off.”

After World War II, there were ticker tape parades. Every warrior was a hero. Everyone had served or knew someone who had served. The war had been a common shared experience. Most men and a lot of women had “done their bit” in the parlance of the Greatest Generation.

That began to change with Korea, and especially with Vietnam; returning troops weren’t celebrated and those wars weren’t a matter of national pride.

Then the draft ended, Larkin reminded me, and going to war ceased to be a shared experience. It became a discrete occupation, although U.S. troops have been at war or in harm’s way for two decades now. But without the draft, it is out of mind, out of sight, out of caring. Many of us don’t know a single veteran in these days of the volunteer army. We respect them in absentia, sometimes just on Veterans Day.

If all isn’t well with mental health out there in the battle space of civilian life, it isn’t well inside the military either. Suicide among serving men and women, is at record highs too.

More veterans have died from suicide than died in Vietnam combat, Larkin said. His initiative, Warrior Call, advocates that a simple phone call can save a life. “‘How are you doing? I’m thinking about you, buddy,’ is all you have to do,” Larkin said.

Veterans Day has become about sales and discounts, less and less about those who have borne and battle and now must bear the aftermath, often in terrible isolation.

Hollywood’s diversity was being rightfully celebrated at Sunday night’s 94th Academy Awards ceremony … until the slap seen around the world changed everything. I know, because I was there.

Actor Will Smith left his seat in the audience and walked on stage and — with the world watching — slapped comic Chris Rock. Smith said he was upset about a joke Rock made about Smith’s wife, actress Jada Pinkett Smith. Suddenly, that act of violence took oxygen away from many hardworking industry professionals.

Smith’s slap stole headlines from a banner year for minorities and diverse films. “CODA” — with a primarily deaf cast — won Best Picture. Jane Campion was the third woman to win Best Director for the western psychological drama “The Power of the Dog.” And Smith — 20 minutes after the infamous slap — won Best Actor for his role in “King Richard.”

But it was The Slap that everyone talked about afterward.

At the red carpet, I captured reactions that ranged from defending Smith to condemning his outbursts to suggesting the slap was staged.

The mood at after-parties, however, was more serious. For many members of the industry in the diverse crowd, this was finally their moment to shine. And they were outshone by Smith.

Actor Jabari Banks, who is playing Smith’s role in the reboot of “Fresh Prince of Bel Air,”  told me he had “mixed feelings” about Will’s behavior. “Coming from a military family, the rules are to leave women and children out of it. Violence is never the answer for anything, but Will was standing up for his wife and that anger came from a godly place.”

Former NFL quarterback Ed Blount expressed disappointment at Smith’s actions. “Black people complained about not getting a seat at the table for years, and when we finally do, Will Smith does this and sets us back. Chris Rock was such a class act handling things the way he did.”

Blount said he thinks the move was not wise for either Smith or the greater Black community.

The plan for the show was to honor the achievements of minority filmmakers and movie industry elites such as Phylicia Rashad, Cheech Marin, Cedric The Entertainer, and Renee Lawless.

Some in the audience were there to spotlight their philanthropic causes. For Sabrina Lewis, Miss California USA 2021, that meant equestrian therapy. “I have been a competitive equestrian pretty much my entire life. So right now I volunteer with Best Buddies, which is an organization for people with disabilities.”

Also there was Autumn Rae, Miss Black California USA. “I really want to be a change in my community. … There are a lot of underprivileged children. I was a child who didn’t have the resources to have dance lessons or singing lessons or anything like that. And music is a way that you can express yourself. So when you have an outlet, it really does make a world of a difference.”

Kevin Kreider, star of “Bling Empire,” spoke about the breakthrough of Asian-majority cast productions. “Well, it’s really about diversity, which is amazing. I’m used to normally celebrating just within the Asian community. So the fact that I can break out of that sandbox and celebrate with other communities and play with other people and other sandboxes is amazing, I love that.”

Renee Lawless from “The Haves and Have Nots” said, “I know that it’s kind of cliche, but I just don’t understand how I got in this beautiful group of people that I truly admire. So I feel proud and clearly they’ve included me. I’m a white chocolate, so I guess I am a person of color. I think inclusivity is definitely needed.”

Speaking of Hollywood diversity, Cheech Marin said, “Everything should change after tonight. I’ve been waiting for this all my life.”

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